COME IN FROM THE LEDGE, IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY!
Okay so we have been inundated with orders from Sydney CBD at The Ritualist today, so I thought the obvious panic necessitated some advice in the form of this blog! If you’re not based in Sydney then this is what you’re not looking at from a Corporate Office (Gaol) window:
Now don’t despair dear drowned rats! Help is on the way and I think if you take five, have a coffee, read these tips and implement immediately you can redeem some level of dignity by afternoon meetings!
THE LOOK – The Corporate Power Bun a.k.a. “Look-at-me-the-wrong-way-and-I’ll-fucking-sue-you-hair”…..
Scenario: You got completely drowned due to a broken umbrella or Sydney’s ridiculous lack of undercover access to your building, or perhaps your hangover caused the rather large oversight of noticing that it was pouring when you left the house….you catch my drift!
YOU WILL NEED:
1. A boar bristle brush like this one (or if it is for today any brush you can find, or comb from anyone in the office)
2. A hair bungee (or hair elastic, or an elastic band a la bank teller’s drawer – but really try and find a tie that won’t kill your mane. We have our Pony Perfection Packs which are a handbag staple. (see also pic above) They are $5 (so a complete no-brainer) and contain a little bit of everything you need in the way of bungees, bobby pins, fine pins, elastics without the need to buy fifty of each type! I suggest you buy 5 of them put them in your 5 favourite bags and replenish as necessary)
3. Two Pins – bobby, fine, large, small whatever you can get (fine/fringe pins are the best here as they won’t snag the hair or create marks on ends when you take it our later)
3. Flexible Hold Hairspray (or a bit of the Senior Partner’s hair mousse perhaps, or a bit of $2 gel in the bottom drawer of some co-workers desk – but really you ALWAYS need hairspray at work. Always. I say that with no exaggeration. Seriously. Buy this now.)
Now if your hair is dripping use paper towels from the bathroom to wring out and absorb some of the water. If not a head under the hand dryer might be necessary, but DO NOT attempt to insert your head into one of those Dyson Fancy Dryers (it does not work firstly, and if you have one of those miniature heads you might get it in enough to not get it out. You are not Ally Mcbeal – this outcome is not charming or endearing).
Hairspray, mousse and gel are all great additives here because the high alcohol content will actually help your hair dry faster.
If you have managed to score/steal/find two elastics (or better, bungees) separate you hair into two sections the underneath is secured first and then the top is added so you don’t have any ‘bagginess’ at the nape! I found this image online which shows the two sections (Thanks Molly Sims):
(PS While Molly did a helpful article on this she needs to sort out the hair falling from the nape BEFORE securing the pony. There is no turning back once it has been tied my friends….)
Once you have secured the underneath pony, you can start to mould the hair on top into the shape you want (I prefer a side parted ponytail that is lower since unless you are a supermodel, I don’t think a tight face-lifter is going to do anything for you) and secure the pony. Now this is where you must brush the top part so it blends with the bottom WITHOUT brushing the hair that is already secured.
IT IS NOT OKAY to attempt to comb a pony tail’s lumps and bumps out when you already have it tied up. Nor should you believe anyone who tells you to secure bits that have fallen out with a Bobby Pin. Once you have blended the top pony tail, attach another bungee (or band) around the two pony tails.
Now twist the pony tails a number of times and apply some more hairspray. Wrap it into a bun and secure with Fine Pins (you get them in the pack we sell, but if you must use Bobby Pins, or Paper Clips that’s fine too). Why you wrap the hair is because hopefully, if you have absorbed enough of the moisture before with paper towels, when you take this out later for an after work drinks look you will have achieved a really beautiful natural wave, as per below pic. This should only require (you guessed it) a light spray and a tousle with your hands to make it perfect (however, unlike the below pic, it is probably more tasteful if you wear a top with it).
LASTLY – as the pony tail dries, depending on your hair, it may become frizzy – especially around the hairline. If you have access to any form of hairdryer the best way to kill frizz is to use the COLD SETTING and direct the nozzle almost on the scalp but angle so it pushes the hair in the same direction as the pony tail. Using a Flexible Hold Hairspray, spray your fingers and smooth the frizzy parts – you may need to do this a couple of times. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will serum, oil, wax, any other supermarket scam that claims to be “anti frizz” work here. You won’t get any hold from the product and you will look like you don’t own shampoo. Keep these types of finishing products for the ends – but again, as you can already guess, I would use hairspray and my fingers to smooth over the ends as well.